Sven (sakurahidaka) wrote,

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I can't shake it

Of course since I work all the time I can't keep up with all of my friends' entries. There are some that I look at more than others but you all are great.

Of all times for me to check my friends page I come across more bad news. I will put my words underneath a cut so you can be spared but I will say, if you do read it, I'm very animal oriented. It is only about pets and it's probably dramatic but I know that some of you will understand what I'm saying.

I feel bad name dropping but I came across an entry of Ashley's and I see that only a few days ago her small companion was lost. Maybe reading about that was my breaking point. Or maybe it was the way it happened but I just started to bawl. All the pictures that were posted of him were so sweet and so cute but I'm so sad right now I just couldn't save the pictures.

I've been keeping a personal journal on my own computer. It's for my eyes and no one else's but no one can judge me there and I poured my heart out into words on an electronic document. Like most people I know what it's like to lose a pet and I'm the type that finds pets to be a part of the family. They are loved and treated with respect and if anything were to happen to them it just seem so unfair.

After I read about Stryker I just shut down my computer and sat next to Ola for a few minutes. I'm the type that will think in the back of my mind "that is so unfair." but I can't think of why I would ask it. Maybe it would be because I think of pets as an equal. Maybe it's because these animals deserved a second chance. I don't really care if people think I'm insane at this point.

Everything just seems unreal right now. I had texted Levi not long ago asking if he can come over when he's done work which will be probably be between 7 and 8am. I just want to lie next to him try not to think about all of this. I would tell him about Stryker but that may be too much right now. Levi really liked Stryker and of course he has a soft spot for corgis so it will be even harder to tell him. What's worse, we were talking about him a few days ago.

I would like to talk to Ashley but I would rather give her time first. From the sounds of it, it seems like she'll need some time to recover and I don't want to rush her. It's a sin really. I have all these "why?" questions floating around in my head.

I've been getting really emotional anyway since I should be due soon for my time of the month and I always get emotional around then but I know that I would be emotional anyway. I will honestly say that all of this sadness makes my heart hurt and it just won't go away right now.

Forgive me, if I'm speaking out of line. These dogs are not mine and I feel so strongly for them because I know them and have held them. It's hard not have any sort of bond.

So in addition to my entry for Louis I will say to Stryker: I wish I could have held you more and cuddle your cute stuffed animal-ness but I will not get that chance. Everyone will miss you and you, as well, will always be loved.
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